A small room at a preschool on the Stanford campus, the late 1960s. A four-year-old sits alone, staring at a single marshmallow. The rule is simple: eat it now, or wait until the researcher comes back in about 15 minutes and get two. For a child that age, 15 minutes can feel as long as an entire dry season (even we grown-ups sometimes can’t wait patiently for the rice cooker).
That is the Marshmallow Test, an experiment designed by psychologist Walter Mischel to study delayed gratification (the ability to postpone a reward). The Marshmallow Test gives a child a choice between one small treat now or a bigger reward later, then observes how long, and in what ways, the child holds out against temptation.
The children’s reactions are adorable: some cover their eyes, some sing, some nearly cry from the effort of holding back, and some gobble the treat right away. You can watch one of the videos here.
Think of every daily temptation as a marshmallow sitting on the table: a third helping of fried snacks, a notification begging to be opened “just for a second”, or a midnight flash sale. The good news is that the way we deal with them isn’t fixed at birth; it is shaped by strategy, habits, and environment, which means it can be trained.
There are seven lessons we can draw from this experiment and the research that followed. Let’s start with the experiment itself.
What Is the Marshmallow Test, and What Does It Really Measure?
The Marshmallow Test measures not only how long a child can wait, but also the strategies the child uses to cool down temptation, and those strategies turn out to matter most for success.
Children who kept staring at the treat usually gave in sooner, while those who looked away, sang, or imagined the marshmallow as a cloud tended to last longer. The American Psychological Association explains that this kind of distraction was the key to their success.
Mischel and his colleague Janet Metcalfe later explained the phenomenon with their “hot and cool system” model in Psychological Review (1999). The hot system is emotional and fast (“Yum, grab it now!”), while the cool system is calm and weighs the consequences. Because the hot system wakes up first, the best strategy is to “cool down” the situation.
In practice, if you want to eat fewer sweets, don’t keep a cookie jar on your desk; if you want to focus on reading, leave your phone in another room. A well-arranged environment makes willpower much lighter to carry.
Self-Control Is Linked to the Future
Long-term research shows that a person’s level of self-control in childhood is linked to their health, finances, and social life as an adult. Some of the strongest evidence comes from a study by Moffitt and colleagues (2011) in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, which followed more than 1,000 children born in 1972–1973 in Dunedin, New Zealand, from birth to age 32.
In the Dunedin Study, children with lower self-control were, on average, more likely to experience:
- poorer health, such as higher blood pressure and excess weight;
- dependence on tobacco, alcohol, or other substances;
- difficulty managing savings, debt, and retirement planning; and
- a criminal record.
These links remained even after intelligence and socioeconomic status were taken into account. At age 45, a follow-up study released by Duke University found that those children were aging more slowly and were better prepared for old age.
The study’s lead researcher, psychologist Terrie Moffitt, emphasized the hopeful side. In an official Dunedin Study release from the University of Otago, she said:
“We also found that children whose self-control increased with age tended to have better adult outcomes than initially predicted, showing that self-control can change and with desirable results.”
Keep in mind that this is an observational study about group tendencies, not a verdict on any individual. Still, the message is powerful: the way we handle our impulses today can become a pattern that shapes our lives later on.
The Marshmallow Test Is Not a Prophecy of a Child’s Fate
Marshmallow Test results cannot be used to predict a child’s future, because the ability to wait is strongly influenced by family background and by how much the child trusts their surroundings. To be fair, the popular story that “patient kids are guaranteed to succeed” needs some correcting.
A conceptual replication by Watts, Duncan, and Quan (2018) in Psychological Science retested the idea with about 900 children from much more diverse backgrounds. The link between waiting time at age four and achievement at age 15 was only half the size of the original findings, and it shrank by about two-thirds once family background, early cognitive ability, and the home environment were taken into account.
Why would that be? In an experiment by Kidd and colleagues (2013) in the journal Cognition, 28 children first met a researcher who either kept or broke her promises. Children who saw promises broken waited only about 3 minutes on average, while those who saw promises kept waited about 12 minutes, four times longer.
Here is a summary of the research discussed so far:
| Study | Key finding | What it means for us |
|---|---|---|
| Mischel et al. (Stanford, 1960s–1970s) | Children who distracted themselves lasted longer | Strategy matters more than intention |
| Moffitt et al. (2011, 1,000+ children) | Childhood self-control linked to adult health and finances | Small habits can become life patterns |
| Kidd et al. (2013, 28 children) | Broken promises: ~3 min; kept promises: ~12 min | Trust shapes patience |
| Watts et al. (2018, ~900 children) | Link to achievement shrank by two-thirds after family factors | The test is not a character verdict |
So a child who eats the marshmallow right away isn’t necessarily “weak”; they may be used to living with uncertainty, which makes taking the sure thing a reasonable choice. A parent’s job is not to hand out labels, but to build a consistent home: promises are kept, rules are clear, and children are helped to find strategies.
Choosing Instant Gratification or Future Benefits
In everyday life, we repeatedly choose between momentary pleasure and long-term benefits.
Everyday life is full of choices between instant gratification and long-term benefits, and the problem usually isn’t that we enjoy ourselves now and then, but that instant gratification wins so often it becomes a habit. Lounging on the couch or exercising, another fried snack or stopping there, working or opening social media “just for a minute” that somehow turns into an hour.
Our brains learn to repeat behaviors that feel good. That’s why changing a habit works better when we don’t just say “don’t”, but also prepare a substitute, such as putting fruit on the dining table and keeping sweet snacks on the top shelf of the cupboard.
In more serious cases, difficulty controlling impulses can be tied to smoking, alcohol, gambling, or addictive substances. For healthier habits, you may also want to read 18 Easy-to-Apply Tips for a Healthy and Fit Life.
Self-Control with Money and Time
Self-control with money is easiest to maintain by automating good decisions, so we don’t have to pit our willpower against the same temptation every month.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of our work. The trouble starts when spending for status is paid for with debt and eats into an emergency fund or retirement savings. The method is simple: set aside savings or investments right after payday instead of waiting for whatever is left at the end of the month, and keep separate accounts for needs, savings, and fun.
As a rough illustration, skipping one trendy coffee costing Rp20,000 (Indonesian rupiah) a day adds up to about Rp600,000 a month, or more than Rp7 million a year. And that’s just one small “marshmallow” (not counting the delivery fee, hehe).
Mischel himself practiced what is known as an “if-then” plan. In an interview with PBS NewsHour, he explained that before the waiter could tempt him with the mousse, he had already ordered the fruit salad, following a plan he had rehearsed. For free time, an example might be: “If I’ve finished dinner, then my phone charges outside the bedroom.”
I’ve felt the consequences myself. When I was young, I chose to spend more time playing with friends instead of taking English lessons. The effects only showed up later, when my friends were already speaking fluently while I still had to catch up. Some pleasures really are worth postponing, not throwing away. Discipline also grows through being active in organizations, as discussed in 10 Soft Skills Students Can Develop Through Organizations.
How to Teach Children Self-Control
Self-control in children is best trained through small, repeated opportunities, clear goals, and adult role models, not long lectures or punishments. Walter Mischel, who studied this topic for decades, made the point in the same interview:
“I think some people find it much easier to exert control than others. But no matter whether one is reasonably good at this overall or reasonably bad at this overall, it can be enormously improved.”
Here are a few things you can try at home:
- Teach short waits. Start with a few minutes, then gradually increase the time according to the child’s age.
- Help children distract themselves. Sing together, draw, read, or move tempting objects out of sight.
- Keep your promises. As Kidd and colleagues found, children who see promises kept are willing to wait much longer.
- Use a piggy bank and a concrete goal. Help your child set aside part of their pocket money to buy something they want. If the ice cream still gets bought before the piggy bank is full now and then, well, that’s what practice is for.
- Set a real example. Children learn more easily from parents who can put down their phone during a conversation, stick to schedules, and avoid impulse buying (and that may include us, too).
- Value the process, not just the result. When a child fails, ask what strategy they could try next time instead of giving them a label.
The American Psychological Association also offers a short guide on strategies to help children wait. Self-control develops through practice and support, not destiny from birth.
The Marshmallow Test and Controlling Our Desires
From a religious perspective, self-control is about the ability to steer our desires.
From an Islamic perspective, the lesson of the Marshmallow Test is closely related to controlling hawa nafsu (one’s desires), that is, steering the wants that are part of human nature so they stay within good and lawful (halal) limits.
The pleasure of doing wrong is often right in front of us, while the consequences only show up much later. We might be tempted to accept a “thank-you gift” from a business partner that could actually amount to a bribe, join in on betting just to fit in, or forward gossip in a group chat.
Holding our fingers back from forwarding unverified news is a form of self-control, as discussed in Understanding the Spread of Online Hoaxes. The same goes for choosing halal food, turning down alcohol even when it seems uncool, guarding our gaze, and walking away from dubious transactions.
Allah SWT reminds us about people who take their own desires as their god, as He says in Surah Al-Furqan, verses 43–44:
“Have you seen the one who takes as his god his own desire? Then would you be responsible for him? Or do you think that most of them hear or reason? They are not except like livestock. Rather, they are [even] more astray in [their] way.” (QS. Al-Furqan: 43–44, Sahih International translation)
This passage invites us to put our desires in their proper place. Desires don’t always have to be obeyed, but they do need to be guided by faith, sound reason, and good habits. Prayer is also part of that effort; you can find several prayers from the Quran in Duas from the Quran: Arabic, Transliteration, Meanings and Stories.
Frequently Asked Questions About the Marshmallow Test
What is the purpose of the Marshmallow Test?
The Marshmallow Test aims to study children’s ability to delay gratification and the strategies they use when facing temptation.
Will a child who eats the marshmallow right away fail as an adult?
No, the test result is not a prophecy. A 2018 replication showed that its link to teenage achievement shrank by about two-thirds once family background was taken into account.
Can self-control be trained?
Yes, self-control can be trained in both children and adults. Ways to do it include distracting yourself, keeping temptations out of reach, making “if-then” plans, and automating good habits.
Conclusion: Self-Control Can Be Trained
In short, the Marshmallow Test doesn’t decide a child’s fate, but it offers an easy-to-grasp picture of the human struggle with temptation. Self-control is linked to health and finances, yet family and a trustworthy environment help shape it too. Strategies such as distraction, keeping temptations away, and planning ahead work better than relying on good intentions alone.
The marshmallow on each of our tables may take a different shape: a phone, online shopping, fried snacks, or sensational news begging to be forwarded. We don’t always have to refuse it; what we need to learn is when to enjoy it in moderation and when to postpone it for the sake of our health, our families, and our accountability to Allah SWT.
The first step is simple: pick the one “marshmallow” that beats you most often, then make a single “if-then” plan for this week. For children, teach it through example and promises that are kept.
Of the seven lessons above, which “marshmallow” has been hardest for you to resist lately, and what strategy has worked for you? I’m curious to read your answers in the comments.
In the end, what makes us strong isn’t the absence of temptation, but the small habit of not always giving in to it right away.
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